Is she a ho or a free spirit?

After a break up, I had to ask a friend “What’s a hoe?” 

Sounds like a no brainer right?

The last person I dated considered themselves a “free spirit.” When they first told me I thought they meant being open minded, a nonconformist, susceptible to knowledge. But their definition came from a more sexually open standpoint. They didn’t mind having threesomes, open relationships, and went through a period where they went from one sexual partner to another.

I, being more of a monogamist, couldn’t be that uninhibited but I never shunned that person for their wanting to be “free” with their bodies. It wasn’t until the demise of our relationship, I realized you can pay for someone else’s freedom. And I paid with tears.

I started to reevaluate what I thought when it came to sex and the exercise of it. What makes a ho, a ho? After  an experience that was unrequited and deceptive, it took no more than that for my inspiration to write this blog. 

The answer me and friend tried to come up with was a little vague, ambiguous, and we tried to narrow it down, but couldn’t set anything in stone. Of course we had a general idea, but what did it take to be considered a hoe? Or are people really “free spirits” now?


I thought about it hard and long. 

Well, let’s take look at the actual definition:

HO 1 |hō| (also hoe)

noun ( pl. hos or hoes) black slang

a prostitute.

derogatory a woman.

SLUT |slət|


a slovenly or promiscuous woman.

And since I discovered a new word, “slovenly”:

SLOVENLY |ˈsləvənlē; ˈslä-|


(esp. of a person or their appearance) messy and dirty : he was upbraided for his slovenly appearance.

• (esp. of a person or action) careless; excessively casual : slovenly speech.

In American society, and even beyond its borders, it’s not acceptable for women to have a high number of sexual partners. They should have one partner or as few as possible. Women should preserve the “goods” and not allow themselves to become “used goods” over time. Also, a woman that has many sexual partners is seen as dirty; unfit for long term relationships, public display of affection, or interactions seen by the public period.

Overall, the idea of a “ho” hasn’t changed. The double standard that men can have many sexual partners, with no remorse or being seen as an unfit long term partner still stands. 

I think we’ve accepted the fact that reserving your virginity for marriage is a thing of the past. Premarital sex is happening right now as I type this post! 

As a woman, I’ll admit I have called other women hoes and never thought twice about a man who was probably living up to the definition way better than they were. We tend to do it. And sometimes we just can’t help it.

Some people are more sexually social than others. I’m very picky when it comes to choosing a sexual partner because I personally feel other qualities should be considered first. But regardless if we spread ourselves around or we reserve ourselves for that special someone, SAFE SEX is GREAT SEX. 

Those that tend to be a little more “loving” than others should not only consider this, but live up to it so that you may have a long and healthy life and potentially after all the fun, maybe be able to settle down.

Here’s my idea of what a makes a woman a ho:

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